To be vulnerable or not to be..

 A truth has uprooted today. I have been hurt and disappointed by friends, family, and loved ones so many times that, I’ve realized subconsciously I EXPECT it from everyone I come in contact with. It’s hard for me to get close to others and fully trust. I have lost my vulnerability. When I was vulnerable with people that I thought would not judge me or spread my “business” and personal things I’ve told them they did exactly that. I want my vulnerability back.

I Forgive You,For Me.

 Everyone talks about healing “daddy issues” and breaking generational curses but, healing from “mommy issues” is VITAL. It’s almost like we forget that it exist. EVERYTHING starts with the mother. When we were in her womb everything she felt, we felt it too. She is the beginning of your life and can be the one who ends it. Mommy is the nurturer and our very first teacher. Mom teaches us how to look at the world and how to have others treat you. We all want mommy to just be proud of us. We want mommy to “see us”. She is the first person we seek attention from. Some of us are/have been aware of our mommy issues and others of us are just now making things “click”. Although we may have felt abandoned,invisible,unheard or inadequate we do have to realize that mommy had her own issues, and her mother had her own issues and so on and so forth. Yes, I KNOW it is so easy to blame mommy for what you are or are not today. For what you know or don’t know. The fact of the matter is you are not a victim. In the past you may have been but,the past is simply a memory. It’s easy to grip on to the past, and identify with it. The truth is the past only still exist today in your life is because you do identify with it and give it power. The reason for a lot of our hurt,anger, pain and suffering is the lack of awareness that you have the ability to control your feelings which create your thoughts. We have learned to abandon ourselves,to hate ourselves, to forget about ourselves. To be able to control your feelings and thoughts is a super power that you are essentially afraid to use. With all of that being said, I’m just here to remind you of who you are. SiSTAR it is time to heal. It is time to forgive. Forgiveness is NOT for anyone else but you and the generations after you. It’s  time to choose happiness. It’s time to stop playing the blame game. Although I made this based around the mother, it is for any and all situations that require change. I realized personally that no amount of Jesus,crystals,sage,baptisms, Buddha, books etc. could make that change for me. I had to allow forgiveness into my heart. This is not by any means an easy thing to do when we have caused ourselves a life FULL of suffering. It’s time to go within siSTAR and heal. When we heal we save a nation. 

Peace to you.

Xoxo

Moving through my thoughts

 What exactly is life or living? Yes, I am completely functioning on my own, without the assistance of family and friends, doctors,nurses or aids but, am I living? Am I alive? I can see,hear,feel,smell and taste. Does that mean that I am living? We wake up everyday and usually start our days the same. We may hit the snooze button 7 times before we actually decide to get out of bed. We may choose to check out phones immediately after opening our eyes. No matter what it is that we do on the mornings or whatever time of day we start our task, usually it’s the same routine or close to it. When I looked up the definition of Life, I found one that had me thinking.. hmm. Life: “A sustainable organization in liquid state”. When I thought about liquid, I obviously thought about water lol. Water flows.. what can be gentle at times and aggressive at others. Are our daily routines flowing or more of a control stated, more a state of resistance? When I personally think of life and what it means to me.. not coming from Google or book, I think of things that aren’t/weren’t made by man with the human mind. For example, Air,Earth,Water and Fire 4 of the main elements we all know about can’t be replaced or modified. All of those things flow, in its own way. From a fire spreading to The wind blowing 70mph to a severe Earthquake moving the plates and shift the ground from one distance to another. Then when I think of the elements , Spirit comes to mind. Spirit is that energy that makes up all those elements together. Spirit is the oneness of all those elements. Spirit is the oneness of all that is life. Spirit essentially gives,receives,creates,provides etc. and does all of these things by just BEING  what it is. There’s no definition for spirit really, I mean I don’t feel like it can really be DEFINED. Yes, we can use nice word play to describe it but, that does nothing for what spirit actually is ultimately. So complex, yet so beautiful,so peaceful, so loving by just BEING. There’s no separation between you and spirit. It’s the mind that brings about the idea of “separation”. We use labels and titles within society to set apart one thing from another. We attach ourselves to our bodies, how we look , what close we wear, how much money we have or don’t,religion etc. and identify ourselves with those things. We forget and lose our sense of self more and more by attaching more ideas to ourself and call it living. If you decide to detach from all the things of the mind, the things created by man then what does that make you?